It is clear that most of us work as helping professionals.  From secretaries to psychologists, physicians to front desk staff, we are helping someone.  What happens when the person we are attempting to help doesn't show up?  What happens when we have concerns about the recipient of our help that we cannot answer in their absence?  I wish the answer was a clear formula.  But the truth is, a good response depends on a number of elements.  

 

Everything from ethics to time to money to personality may apply.  In the instance of a secretary, personality is key.  The person receiving the help is a superior and so, things are done by that person's plan.  Knowing the personality is how determinations between helpful reminding and crossing the line are made.

 

Psychologists and physicians answer to both the patient and the ethics of the trade.  "First do no harm" pops up here.  Health and privacy matters count.  We are not helping if we let a suicidal person miss three sessions without expressing care.  We are also not helping if a stable person fails to appear and then finds a call stating unwarranted concern or chastisements. 

 

This is a world of technological bombardments.  We are watched in store aisles, filmed in parking lots, receiving messages 24 hours a day, called during our "down time", and evaluated on mostly everything we say, wear and do.  This is what the helping professional must call to mind before making a call, writing a letter, or sending an Email.  Ask the question, "Would I want to hear about this?"  Then ask the question, "Knowing Mr. Jones as I do, would he want to hear about this."  Finally, if the answer is Yes, ponder the best method and words for responding to the absence.

 

It is quite important to avoid accusations.  Accusations imply wrong doing, purposeful action and awareness.  Can you really be sure an accusation is required?  Better to side with softness and concern.  "Mr. Jones, I just want to be sure you are OK as you have never missed an appointment before."  "Ms Tate, do I have it wrong or did you want me to meet you in the conference room today?"  "Did I miss a change in plan?"  "Just calling to see that you are well and if you can use any assistance today."

How will you make contact?  If the absence cann be rectified, perhaps a friendly is warranted.  If nothing can be done now, Email might be the way to go.  If there is simply a charge, the remark might best be left to explanation on the bill.  Adding urgency is rarely the better choice. 

 

As a general rule, I ask my clients, when we hammer out our working agreements, how they would like me to handle the possibility of missed appointments.  In addition to making clear my own rules regarding charges and holding appointments, I acknowledge the client's preferences for reminders, and awareness of his history for showing up.  Knowing in advance allows me to say, if I call or send a message, "You told me if this happens you would like a nudge."  It allows me to charge for missed appointments, with no additional fanfare if "no reminder" was the preferred course of action.  Knowing in advance, from a client or a boss, makes the process much easier.  It is quiet easy to obtain the proper information with simple examples and friendly discussion.  Best to get this information at the start of a working relationship and right from the source!